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When an elementary class sets out on a quest to save the world from disenchantment, their adventures reveal paradoxes of the human mind and ways of awakening the magic within us.
This is a new, expanded version of the underground classic, originally published in 1974. This edition, which includes new episodes and changes throughout, is now available on CD ROM for $19, with other stories by Richard, and with voice narration in addition to the text. (You need the RealPlayer to hear it). We're experimenting in various ways trying to determine if publishing books on CD ROM, instead of on paper, can work well both for writers and readers. Please check our online store at http://store.yahoo.com/samizdat You can also still buy the paperback first edition (with illustrations by Christin Couture) there.
Five children's
books by Richard Seltzer: The Lizard of Oz (illustrated by Christin
Couture), Now and Then and Other Tales from Ome (illustrated by Richard
Seltzer), See You Later, Elevator, Hundreds and Hundreds of Gerbils, and
Tiger in the Intercom. All are presented in both HTML text and audio form
(read by the author). Review of this book CD http://www.largeprintreviews.com/lizard.html
The
Lizard of Oz by Richard Seltzer. When an elementary class sets
out on a quest to save the world from disenchantment, their adventures
reveal paradoxes of the human mind and ways of awakening the magic within
us.
Library Journal -- "An intriguing and very entertaining little novel."
Paperback. Autographed on request.
Everything
But the Internet gathers the complete non-Internet
works of Richard Seltzer on CD, in plain text, with software that lets
you listen as well as read. It includes: The Name of Hero, Ethiopia Through
Russian Eyes, The Lizard of Oz, Without a Myth, Spit and Polish, Mercy,
Rights Crossing, short stories, articles, book reviews, and poems.
Would you rather read it on your palm? For $5 you can buy an 84K zipped
file with the full text at PalmGear 
To read that file you'll need iSilo (software available for from www.isilo.com)
Also please visit our Readers' Corner and Writers' Showcase page at www.samizdat.com/readers.html
To see the illustrations by Christin Couture, click here. Badges with these illustrations can be made on demand (using Badge-a-Minit). These 2-1/2" diameter badges, made from black and white line drawings, sell for $1 each plus $1 per order for shipping (first class mail). To order, send email to seltzer@samizdat.com
So far everybody was just having fun: bouncing up and down with the bumpy road, counting buildings and cars and telephone poles, singing "row row your boat" and "found a peanut" and "the ants are marching one by one." At every intersection, Mr. Shermin flipped his magic coin with his flipper and told Miss Morgan which way to go. Then, just as the ants were marching a thousand by a thousand, the VW came to a sudden stop.
"What is it?" asked Gaynell. "I can't see a thing back here."
"Gosh," said Donny, who was in the front seat on the very top of the pile of kids on Miss Prysby's lap, "it looks like a pothole, but it's huge. I bet it's big enough to hold at least three VWs."
"Donny," warned Miss Prysby, "don't lean out the window."
"But, Miss Prysby," he answered, "this hole doesn't have any bottom."
Miss Morgan said, "It looks like the road to Oz is closed. Maybe we should go to the Children's Museum instead."
But Mr. Shermin said, "No, Miss Morgan, we're right on course. Straight ahead. Drive straight ahead. The magic coin just stood on end and the magic coin is never wrong."
Linda S. said, "I've been to the Children's Museum before, and it's a really nice place." Nobody seemed very anxious to drive right into a bottomless pothole.
"I don't think driving into bottomless potholes could be very educational," said Miss Prysby. "We all know perfectly well it would be awful. Gaynell, don't lean out the window. Cindy, Kathy, watch what you're doing. How can Miss Morgan drive with children tumbling all over her? Don't ..."
Miss Morgan was all set to turn around when Gaynell accidentally tumbled onto her lap and the VW lurched forward and fell.
"Gosh," said Donny, "the whole car rolled over."
"It's like we're on an elevator," added Gaynell. "Only there aren't any lights to tell us what floor we're on -- no lights at all."
"And we're up-side down," said Donny.
Miss Prysby, who was on top now and trying very hard not to squash anybody, explained, "No, Donny, you see we're falling very fast and it just seems that we're up-side down."
"But it's so dark," said Kathy. "How can you tell if we're right-side up or left-side up or up-side down?"
"You're right, Kathy," admitted Miss Prysby. "But if we were right-side up and squashed against the ceiling, something would be very wrong. That would mean that we aren't just falling. If we were just falling, nobody would be squashed. We'd be weightless, like on a spaceship. We'd only be squashed like this if something stronger than gravity had hold of the car and were pulling it down. And in this world, some things, like that, are simply impossible."
"Mr. Shermin!" called Miss Morgan.
"Yes, Miss Morgan?"
"Which way should we go now, Mr. Shermin?"
"Ask the next witch you see," he answered confidently.
"Witch?"
"Down here, where there aren't any streets to turn left or right or straight ahead on, my magic coin isn't much good. But any witch can show us the witch way to Oz."
So all the kids started looking for a witch.
"Donny!" called Miss Prysby, "don't lean out that window. You know perfectly well there's nothing to see in all that dark."
"But what's that over there, Miss Prysby?" asked Donny.
"That's a ... a ..."
"A witch, dearie," answered the Witch, who was sitting on a bucket and riding a red broomstick. She had headlights on her head, footlights on her feet, and a belly light on her belly.
Before Miss Morgan could ask her anything, the Witch said, "So you want to go to Oz?"
"How did you know?"
"What else would you be doing, flying down a pothole in a little green VW stuffed with sixteen people?"
Mark asked, "Why are you sitting on a bucket? It looks awfully uncomfortable."
"All the latest models come equipped with bucket seats: you don't have much choice." Then she leaned back, and started flying away.
"Wait!" called Miss Morgan. "Miss ... Miss Witch, which way should we go?"
The Witch yelled back,
"You'll get ahead if you get a head;
so go straight ahead,
and get an empty head that's gone to pot;
then go behind
and you will find
the spot
you have in mind."
"Whatever could she mean?" asked Miss Morgan as the witch's lights faded in the distance.
"Well, hurry up; do like she said," ordered Mr. Shermin. "Drive straight ahead, or we'll miss the intersection."
Miss Morgan couldn't see any intersection or any road, for that matter, and she knew they wouldn't go anywhere if she hit the gas, but she did so all the same.
Chapter 4
Illustrations from
The Lizard of Oz
Links to the
rest of The Lizard of Oz and related materials
To correspond with the author, send email to seltzer@samizdat.com
Five children's
books by Richard Seltzer: The Lizard of Oz (illustrated by Christin
Couture), Now and Then and Other Tales from Ome (illustrated by Richard
Seltzer), See You Later, Elevator, Hundreds and Hundreds of Gerbils, and
Tiger in the Intercom. All are presented in both HTML text and audio form
(read by the author). Review of this book CD http://www.largeprintreviews.com/lizard.html
The
Lizard of Oz by Richard Seltzer. When an elementary class sets
out on a quest to save the world from disenchantment, their adventures
reveal paradoxes of the human mind and ways of awakening the magic within
us.
Library Journal -- "An intriguing and very entertaining little novel."
Paperback. Autographed on request.
Everything
But the Internet gathers the complete non-Internet
works of Richard Seltzer on CD, in plain text, with software that lets
you listen as well as read. It includes: The Name of Hero, Ethiopia Through
Russian Eyes, The Lizard of Oz, Without a Myth, Spit and Polish, Mercy,
Rights Crossing, short stories, articles, book reviews, and poems.
A
library for the price of a book.
Readers' Room and Writers'
Showcase
Return to B&R Samizdat Express.
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