CHAPTER SEVEN: THE LIBRARY
"Man, I'm hungry," said Paul Newman.
"Yes," echoed Miss Prysby, "it is high time we got something to eat".
"No problem at all," said Sir Real. "Right this way, folks". He walked through a door in the wall. Nobody had noticed the door before, but there it was -- wide open. Everybody ran in, because everybody was very hungry.
Donny said, "Gosh, this isn't a restaurant. There's nothing but books".
"Here's something," said Kathy. "Miss Prysby, do you have any salt and pepper? I just found the biggest most perfectly delicious looking piece of bacon in the whole world".
Everybody rushed forward to get a piece of the bacon.
"Cannibals! Barbarians!" hollered the bacon. "Whoever let this horde of ruffians into my library?"
Sir Real introduced him, "This is Mr Bacon, Mr Francis Bacon, the librarian".
"Excuse us, Mr Bacon," said Miss Prysby. "We didn't mean any harm. We're just a class on a field trip to Oz, a very educational trip. We're all very hungry; and when we asked the way to a restaurant, this gentleman directed us here. Apparently, there's been some mistake".
"No mistake, no mistake at all," insisted Mr Bacon. "The library is the best place to get food for thought. Help yourself. We have a wide selection. Some books are to be tasted, others swallowed, and some few chewed and digested".
Eugene grabbed the first book in sight, ripped out a page and started chewing it. "This doesn't taste much like food," he said.
"Barbarians! Absolute barbarians!" Mr Bacon was sizzling with anger. "Didn't anyone ever teach you how to eat a book?" He picked up a little book from his desk and read, "'Once upon a space there was a time, a cute little time; her name was Now.' That's how to eat a book," he said.
"But that's just reading," said Miss Prysby. "That could never satisfy these hungry children".
"And why not?" asked Mr Bacon. "I myself find it very satisfying".
"Hey, Miss Prysby," said Timmy, "here's one all about Huckleberry Finn and his dog, Huckleberry Hound".
"Yeah," said Eugene, "get this one will you -- The Quest for the Golden Fleas. Now, why would anybody want fleas -- even golden ones?"
Timmy suggested, "Maybe what they really want is the dog who has the fleas".
"What?" asked Eugene.
"Well," answered Timmy, in all seriousness, "maybe it's a golden retriever".
Meanwhile, Mr Newman asked Miss Prysby, "What's all this stuff about books?"
"Oh, that's right, Paul. You wouldn't know, would you? You never learned to read when you were a flowerpothead".
"What do you mean 'read'? What's it all about?"
"All these books tell stories".
"What stories?"
"Well, here's one that tells about a little prince and how he loved a rose, just like Humpty Dumpty loves the Little Blue Wallflower".
"I guess there are lots of flower children in the world. And what about this one here?"
"I don't know that story. But it says on the cover that it's all about King Arthur and Sir Ridesalot and the other Knights of the Merry-Go-Round Table".
"And this one?"
"That's the story Mr Bacon just read from. It's called 'Now and Then.' And here's a whole stock of stories by the same author -- 'Julie's Book: the Little Princess,' 'Mary Jane's Book: the Book of Animals,' and 'The Little Oops Named Ker Plop.' There's even a big one called The Lizard of Oz".
Soon all the kids were reading and had forgotten all about food.
"Miss Morgan," said Donny, "just look at this. It's about the Trojan Rockinghorse and how people traded a whole city just for a chance to ride on it".
"Rockinghorse?" asked Miss Morgan.
"Yeah, and here's another story about a huge amusement park built by the same company. They call it The Oddest Sea, and it looks like it's even better than Disneyland".
"The Oddest Sea?"
"Yeah, have you ever heard of it? You go sailing from one funny land to another, and there are all sorts of wild rides and monsters along the way. There's even a Circus Island where you not only get to look at the animals, you get to be an animal yourself. Can we go there, Miss Morgan? Can we, please?"
"That's something new on me, Donny," she admitted. "I'll have to read up on it".
"Help me first, Miss Morgan, please," asked Kathy. "I've been reading this story..".
"Yes, I see -- A Midsummer Night's Dream".
"Yes, it's all about this magic potion that makes people fall in love with the first person they see. I want to find out where I can buy some of that love potion".
"Miss Morgan, Miss Morgan," Gaynell interrupted.
"Yes?"
"Oh, Miss Morgan, isn't it wonderful that there are lots of rabbitholes and potholes in the world so people can fall through them to other worlds and have adventures to tell good stories about".
Nearby, Mr Bacon and Sir Real were discussing the state of the world. "Have you eaten today's news?" asked Mr Bacon.
"Yes, and I'm fed up with it," replied Sir Real. "Things just keep getting wars and wars and more wars".
"It's hard to say just what it'll all lead to," added Miss Morgan. "Only time will tell".
"Now, Miss Morgan, where did you get that silly notion?" asked Mr Bacon. "You should tell time; not wait for it to tell you. What do you go to school for but to learn to tell time?"
"Well," she admitted, "I really couldn't say..".
A big bearded man joined them, "What is the world coming to? Children and even grownups ... Just look at this one here -- the big one with the scruffy hair they call 'Mr Newman.' Just look at them all -- reading fantasy, fairy tales, fables and legends. You'd think there was nothing serious or important in the world, nothing worth seeing or doing, nothing worth studying and changing".
"Oh, Miss Morgan," said Sir Real, "I'd like you to meet Mr Marx, a frequent visitor at the library".
"How do you do, Mr Marx?
"Are these your children, miss?"
"Yes, Mr Marx, they are my pupils".
"Then why do you let them befoul their minds with this trivia, this fantasy. Why not set them to studying the problems of the world, problems of social and economic injustice?"
"But, surely, you must admit that stories are important for children?"
"Only insofar as they relate to the real world".
"Mr Marx?" asked Mark.
"Yes, son?"
"Are you one of the Marx Brothers?"
"The Marx Brothers?"
"You know. The guys who make jokes".
"No, son. My field is history and economics. And that's no joke".
"Can you teach me economics?" asked Kathy. Please, Mr Marx. Mommy says that the more economical you are, the more you can buy. And I want to buy lots of things. So I want to learn lots of economics".
"No, my dear. You mean 'home economics.' That's another field altogether".
"Oh, do you teach Ome economics instead?"
"No, no. You see, economics isn't just a matter of what you buy in the store. It's a very complicated subject, dealing with such things as work and money and class".
"We're a class".
"Yes, yes, but I mean a different kind of class, like the working class".
"We work pretty hard, don't we, Miss Morgan?"
"You certainly do," she answered.
"I'm sure you do," Mr Marx continued. "But, you see, the way society is now, there are many classes -- economic barriers determining the kind of life a man can lead. But one day there will be a classless society".
Eugene asked, "You mean we won't go to school anymore?"
"You'd like that wouldn't you?" Mr Marx replied indulgently.
"No, I like school. Miss Morgan, they aren't going to stop us from going to school, are they?"
"No, my boy," said Mr Marx. "Nobody's going to stop you from going to school. All I mean is that someday there will be justice in the world".
Donny said, "You mean the good guys will get goodies, and the bad guys will get spanked?"
"Something like that".
"And everybody will live happily ever after?" asked Kathy.
"Now, look, children," Said Mr Marx. "I'm not talking about fairy tales. I'm talking about the real world".
"You mean you're not talking about the Underworld?" asked Donny.
"Underworld?"
"You know," Donny explained, "like in the book The Oddest Sea -- the place where there are judges and everybody ..".
Just then, the clock struck three.
"My goodness," said Miss Morgan. "It's getting late. Come along now, children. We have to be going".
"But, Miss Morgan ..". said Eugene.
"It's three o'clock," she insisted. "I'm sure your parents are wondering where you are".
"Gee whiz," said Timmy, "I was just getting to the good part".
"Now, you heard Miss Morgan," added Miss Prysby. "It's time to go".
"Can't we stay a little longer?" pleaded Gaynell.
"Please?" added Kathy.
"I don't want to go anymore than you do," said Miss Prysby, "but three o'clock is three o'clock".
"Thank you very much, Mr Bacon, Sir Real, and Mr Marx," said Miss Morgan. "It was so nice meeting you. Thank you for showing us around and explaining things. We all had a good time, and I'm sure we'll be coming back soon".
"But, Miss Morgan," asked Eugene, "what about our trip to Oz and to Ome? What about the Humbug and the disenchantment? Don't we still have to save the world?"
"I'm sorry, Eugene, but the world will just have to wait another day to be saved. It's high time we got you children home ... Oh, Cindy, don't forget the fishbowl. We don't want to leave Mr Shermin and Mrs O'Rourke behind.
All Miss Morgan and Miss Prysby could think of was that it was late, and they pulled the kids away from their books and herded them back into the little green VW. So off they went: two teachers, twelve kids, two talking fish in the car, and Mr Newman riding on the roof.
