CHAPTER TWO: THE REDCOATS

Eugene got everybody to put cotton in their ears, so they couldn't hear the humdrum. Then Mr Shermin told them why they should all go to Oz and Ome and find the Lizard.

It being such a beautiful spring day, Miss Morgan had wanted to take them all on a field trip; so she agreed right away that they should all go to Oz.

Kevin didn't want to go. "I'm too big for that kids' stuff".

But Miss Prysby said, "The fresh air will do you good". So Kevin had to come too.

They all piled into Miss Morgan's little green VW; and that was a very crowded little green VW with Eugene and Mark and Linda S. and Linda Crotty and Donny and Joey and Timmy and Miss Morgan and Kevin and Peter and Miss Prysby and Gaynell and Kathy and Cindy, who got to hold the fishbowl, because she's very careful, and it takes a very careful person to hold a fishbowl when you're sitting on Linda S., and Linda S. is sitting on Eugene, and Kathy is stretched across your belly, and your knees are touching the ceiling. The VW was really rather crowded, but Mr Shermin had said that the best way to get to Oz is in a little green VW, and Mr Shermin knows most everything; so there really wasn't anything they could do but all ride in the little green VW.

When they got to the first intersection, Miss Morgan hesitated. It didn't particularly matter to her where they went. She was happy just to get out of the classroom for the day. So she decided to play along with Mr Shermin's story. "Which way is Oz?" she asked.

And Donny told her, "Just follow the yellow-brick road".

"That may sound easy," she said. "But who has ever seen a yellow-brick road?"

Mr Shermin answered, "No trouble, Miss Morgan. No trouble at all. I have a magic coin. I'll flip it at every intersection. Heads we'll turn right. Tails we'll turn left. And if it stands on end, we'll go straight ahead. We'll be to Oz and to Ome in no time".

Miss Morgan laughed. She and Miss Prysby never knew quite what to make of him. They had been quite surprised to find this pair of talking fish when they started teaching at Winthrop in the fall. The kids explained that Mr Shermin was their teacher the year before, and he was one super teacher. He was smart enough to turn himself into a fish, and smart enough to teach Mrs O'Rourke, who always was a fish, how to talk like a person.

No one else in the school knew about Mr Shermin and Mrs O'Rourke. The fish never talked when the principal or other teachers or parents or even other kids were around; so Miss Morgan and Miss Prysby didn't tell anyone. They might lose their jobs if they tried to convince people about something so crazy and impossible as talking fish.

Besides, Mr Shermin had a way of telling tales that made all the kids want to read story after story. So they learned to accept and even love Mr Shermin and Mrs O'Rourke, not just as magical fish, but as co-teachers.

Lately, the fish had been quiet and withdrawn, and the kids had been irritable and ill-behaved. It was good to hear Mr Shermin again, and have him get the class excited about a field trip.

As for Oz, sometimes Miss Morgan thought Mr Shermin really believed the wild tales he told. She suspected his judgment might be a bit off -- after all, if you had magical power, why would you ever choose to live in a fishbowl?

But it was a beautiful day, and the kids, although crowded, were in good spirits. So Miss Morgan decided to do just what Mr Shermin said.

Soon they were blocks and blocks away from school, and nobody knew where they were, except Mr Shermin. So every once in a while Miss Prysby would ask Mr Shermin where they were so she could give the class a geography lesson. "Travel is very educational," she said. And she, too, was learning the names of the streets; and she could never have known them if Mr Shermin hadn't told her, because there weren't any street signs.

Mr Shermin explained, "They built the streets without signs back in the days of the Revolution to confuse the British. Every once in a while you can still see a troop of redcoats marching through the streets. Most people assume that it must be some sort of parade; but no, it's just the redcoats trying to find their way home".

"Thank you, Mr Shermin," Miss Prysby chuckled. "That's very amusing".

But the kids all started looking for the redcoats.

"Gosh, they look awfully tired," said Donny, adjusting his brand new glasses.

"Who?" asked Miss Prysby.

"Those guys over there".

Miss Prysby strained to see over the pile of kids. "You mean the ones in the red ..".

"Yes, the Redcoats".

"Mr Shermin explained, "Yes, of course, Donny. The Redcoats are very tired. They've been marching for two hundred years".

The Redcoat Sergeant waved like he wanted to ask something; so Miss Morgan stopped the VW and the Sergeant said, "Pardon me, ma'am, but could ye tell me 'ow to get 'ome from 'ere?"

Donny said, "Gosh, they're going the same place we are".

Miss Prysby corrected him, "No, Donny, we're going to Ome, but he wants to go home. You see, some of the British don't pronounce their h's; so when they mean to say 'home', they say ''ome'". And Miss Prysby was very pleased that this field trip was turning out to be so educational.

But Mr Shermin said, "Not so fast, Miss Prysby. You never know about these things. It just may be... It just may be ... Tell me, Sergeant, what sort of place is this Ome you're looking for?"

The Sergeant didn't answer, so Miss Morgan repeated the question; and he said, "Oh, I long for the green green grass of 'ome".

Mr Shermin explained, "Oh, it's a sad sad case, a sad case indeed. They're all disenchanted and very efficient: you can see how smartly they march after two hundred years of marching; and they can probably go on marching for another two hundred years. But they still remember what Ome is like; and the more disenchanted they get, the more they feel they need to get there. But only enchanted people can ever get there".

Miss Morgan told the Sergeant what Mr Shermin had said, because he was disenchanted and couldn't hear Mr Shermin himself. The Sergeant didn't seem to understand anything but that they couldn't help him; so all he said was, "Oh-'um," very softly, and the soldiers started marching again, smartly, but wearily, through the unmarked streets.