CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR: CAPTAIN AHAB

"What's 'suffer-time,' Miss Prysby?" asked Gaynell. "You know, in the witch's poem, what's suffer-time?"

"I'm sure it's just a mistake," said Miss Prysby. "The witch just mispronounced it. She said 'tooth' when she must have meant 'truth,' and 'suffer' when she must have meant 'supper.'"

Suppertime was over, and Joan was brushing the whale's one huge tooth. "You have to brush up on the tooth every once in a while," she explained. "Otherwise it'll decay; and there's nothing worse than having to go around with a false tooth".

"Why are you wearing armor?" asked Mark.

"Oh," answered Joan, "that just moral rearmament".

Kathy asked, "Is it made of moral fiber?"

"What a sweet idea," said Joan. "No, my dear, it's made out of stainless steel. It's much stronger and lighter than the old iron-type armor. With relatively little scrubbing, you can keep it immaculately clean".

She whistled "Onward Christian Soldiers" as she brushed up on the tooth.

"How did you ever get here?" asked Miss Prysby.

"Oh, I came on a lark," answered Joan. "That big one right over there. I meant to go to Ome, but when I got here, I saw the error of my ways.

"I used to be a maid -- a simple maid, scrubbing floors and pots and pans. Then voices started speaking to me, heavenly voices, telling me to fight the Lord's battles. Unfortunately, the lord at the time happened to be a weak- kneed king, who had all sorts of battles that needed to be fought. I knew I was performing the will of heaven, but all around me raged the hell of battle. The ways of God are indeed mysterious. A body could get mixed up.

"When I arrived here on my way to Ome, the place was a terrible shambles. All these animals were rambling about, and there was no one to clean up after them. And the whale's tooth hadn't been brushed since Noah left.

"I said to myself, 'Joan, now who are you to be running off to sit yourself in the light of God's glory? And what will you be doing when you get there?' I was never very comfortable with courts and kings and important people. It might very well be that I wouldn't feel right in the presence of God either. And once I was there, I couldn't just turn around and run off. So I decided to stay here. I know my place. There's work to be done, and it's work I know.

"Some interesting folks pass this way now and then. Some decide to stay. Sometimes I think I'm running a half-way house: half-way to Ome and half- way back, with a bunch of half-wits. One goes around in his left mind, cause he finds it more comfortable than his right one. Another keeps trying to lose his marbles so he can have a marble-less time, but his friends keep bringing them back to him.

"It's a strange crew we've got in our ship of fools. There are some, like me, who have never been to Ome, who heard voices and spent their lives following the mysterious and difficult commands. There's a man from Penzance who was told to be a pirate. Someone else was told to be a writer of wrongs, and he's written many thousands. Then there are the inorganic food eaters -- they can't bear the thought of eating any living thing, so all they eat is dirt and rocks.

"They're all well-meaning folks, even the Captain; but they seem to have gotten something mixed up. God works in mysterious ways -- especially when he uses words. It's so easy to mix up words. They can mean so many things at once. Thank the Lord that I understood Him. But these others -- some of them are really pitiful; though far be it from me to sit in judgment.

"And then there's the Captain... Well, speak of the devil..".

Everybody turned to see an old sailor with a peg leg standing at the top of the gangplank.

"It's the ancient mariner himself -- old Captain Ahab," said Joan. "There are those who like his talk, who think it's good for the soul. Well, I'm not one of them".

She went back to her brushing, ignoring Ahab as he walked down the gangplank in all his halting dignity.

"Gosh," said Donny, "he's got a false leg. Did he forget to brush it or something?"

Joan didn't answer. No one answered. There was silence -- an unnatural silence. Not an animal stirred.

Then Ahab burst forth, "All right, ye landlubbers, enough of fun and games. It's suffer-time".

All the animals suddenly rushed back inside the whale.

"What's the meaning of this?" asked Miss Prysby.

"It means it's time to suffer, missy," declared Ahab. "All my life I was weeping and whaling and weeping and whaling. Then a voice cried out to me, 'Suffer the little children,' and I discovered the joys of suffering and making suffer: it's good for the soul, I tell ye. All aboard -- children first".

"But sometimes these children are insufferable. You should have seen them just this morning," began Miss Prysby.

"None of that back-talk, missy. I know my job -- I'm here to usher ye into the very jaws of Hell. Now all aboard, I tell ye".

Miss Morgan said, "I'm sorry, sir. Apparently, there's been some mistake. We're on our way to Ome, but it seems we've chosen the wrong way to get there. I made the mistake of believing in a witch. I'm afraid we'll have to miss this boat".

"If ye be feared of yonder whale, as well ye might, then should ye be a thousand times more feared of the fires of Ome. They'll burn yer very soul".

"Everyone in the car," called Miss Morgan.

"Run if ye like," said Ahab. "If ye think ye can. But ye'll never escape the darkness within ye. The wise stay. They suffer for their sins and learn to love to suffer. They pay penance".

Eugene said, "I've got a few pennies".

Miss Prysby bit her fingernails, and everybody piled into the the little green VW.

Miss Morgan hit the gas. But maybe she put the car in the wrong gear by mistake, because suddenly they were falling into the mouth of the whale, and the mouth shut.

Ahab's ominous laughter echoed in the pitch dark caverns of the huge white whale.