CHAPTER TWENTY: REDLAND

"Gosh," said Donny, "there are the Redcoats".

"Yes," said Marx, "here we are at Redheadquarters. Pull up right by that building with the big sign over the door -- 'Better a readhead than a deadhead.'"

Across the street were billboards saying "Long live King George," "Hail Britannia," and "Our country right or wrong".

"Gosh," said Donny, "there's a xylophone".

"No," explained Mr Marx, "that's an exile-ophone. We exiles use it to send each other notes".

"I was hoping we'd find our old friends here. But these don't seem to be the same redcoats," said Miss Morgan. "I don't recognize any of them. Then again, maybe I'm wrong. In those uniforms, they all look so much alike".

Mark asked, "Why do you all dress the same? Are you twins or something?"

"It's just-is," answered a redcoat.

"Justice?"

"No, just-is. It just is that way. It's part of the Uniform Code of Military Just-Is".

"What sort of code is that?"

"It's hard to say exactly. To find out what it really means, I'd have to break it. But they've got all sorts of nasty punishments for people who break the Code of Just-Is. So all I know is the general drift of it -- that to be right you have to do everything the same as everybody else, and that it's important to be right about clothes because clothes make the man".

"Pardon me, sir," asked Miss Morgan. "Would you happen to know a sergeant who was lost for about two hundred years?"

"Do you know that turncoat?"

"Turncoat? What did he do?"

"He turned in his coat yesterday; said he'd had enough of this marching business, and he was going 'ome".

"I can't say that I blame him," said Miss Morgan. "How do you ever expect to change the world this way?"

"We have to fight fire with fire, miss. They have a modern army; so we have one. We'll beat them at their own game. It's really most efficient".

"Gosh," said Donny, "what's that?"

Mr Newman said, "What a pile of bull".

"Paul!" warned Miss Prysby. "Watch your language!"

An Indian appeared out of nowhere and answered, "Whiteman has keen eye. Here comes bull man. Big Chief Sitting Bull. I am Crazy Horse".

"Crazy, man, crazy," said Mr Newman.

"No, not Crazy Man, Crazy Horse. Maybe you help redman get back his lands?"

"Glad to help, chief," said Mr Newman. "But what can I do?"

Crazy Horse said, "We use Indian headband. Headband sign of Indian good will. Good will prevail".

"Man, that sounds like a pile of bull to me".

"Paul!" said Miss Prysby. "I can't believe the language you're using".

Just then, Sitting Bull raised his hand, and a band started playing "Joshua at the Battle of Jericho . . . and the walls came tumbling down".

"Music might strong medicine," said Crazy Horse.

"Man, that blows my mind," said Mr Newman. "What's that far-out sound coming from?"

"That little big horn," explained Crazy Horse. "Many a redman died that we hear that sound. Someday soon, it bring us back our land".

"Man, this is where it's at". Paul Newman put on beads and painted his face.

"Why, Paul, what are you doing?" asked Miss Prysby. "You look like a regular savage".

Mr Newman shook hands with the members of the headband. "Hey, man," he said, "lend me that horn a minute, will you?" They handed him the little big horn, and he started playing "Cherokee Nation".

"Whiteman play well," said Crazy Horse. "Make good Sioux".

Mark asked, "Why does an Indian tribe have a girl's name?"

"Sue very fine squaw," answered Crazy Horse. "Strong back. Carry heavy load. Sue best of squaw, squaw backbone of Indian nation".

"You mean that women carry your loads for you?" declared Miss Prysby. "Why that's outrageous! Just let me talk to this Sue. She need to be educated in the ways of the modern world".

"Squaw not complain," said Crazy Horse. "We give 'em plenty good backrub. You like 'em backrub, too?"

Miss Morgan said, "No, thank you, chief. We really don't have time for that. Like you, we want to change the world, to make it a better place to live in; but we've heard that to do that we have to take back fire to the world, a special kind of fire. We were hoping that you might help".

"Redman glad to help. Here plenty firewater, plenty whiteman's firewater -- poor in spirit".

"No," explained Miss Morgan, "the fire I'm talking about doesn't mix well with water. We're supposed to get it from a fire-breathing dragon".

"That very hot air. Hard to swallow. You wait. We see. maybe dragon cool off".

Miss Morgan asked Mr Marx, "Do you think anyone here might help us take back fire to the world?"

"Fire?" asked Mr Marx. "Yes, we all know that we have to bring back fire to the world. But we're far from agreeing on what we mean by this fire. Everybody's got his own idea of how the world should be. Some young hotheads think ordinary match fire will do. But if they use that, there won't be much of a world left when they're done. Somewhere there has to be another kind of fire".

"Dragon fire," suggested Miss Morgan.

"Dragon fire?" repeated Mr Marx.

"Yes, we have to cross the moors and get to the mouth of the Nile and get to Ome and find the Lizard".

"Do you really mean that?" he asked. "When you mentioned dragons before, I thought it was just a metaphor, that you were looking for the same thing I am. Dragon fire?" he laughed. "No, the answer to the world's problems isn't to be found in fairy tales".

"Well, we have to get to Ome," Miss Morgan insisted. "I don't know how we'll find our way, but we simply must".

Crazy Horse said, "Redman make good guide. Me famous track star. Can track down anything".

"Do you know the wasteland called the moors?"

"Know wasteland and unwastedland. Know good lands and bad lands". But Miss Morgan still looked depressed, so Crazy Horse added, "Sad face no good. Need lift? Redman raise spirits, give 'em plenty good lift".

"Gosh, it's a giant," said Donny.

"How," said Mark.

"How indeed... " said Miss Morgan, in awe of an eight-foot tall Indian woman.

"My name is Sue," she said. "How do you do?"

Sue lifted the little green VW and started walking off with it.

"Put that car down this instant," ordered Miss Prysby. "You have equal rights, young lady. There's no reason why you should do all the carrying, even if you are... rather large".

So Sue put down the VW and sat on the roof. Then off they drove into the wilderness, with Crazy Horse and Paul Newman running on ahead.