CHAPTER THIRTEEN: THE ROAD TO EL EASY ONE

"Hey, look at that rock group," said Mr Newman.

"It must be five o'clock," explained Judge Minus. "Here comes Mr Sissyfoot. He works eight hours a day pushing that rock up the hill. Then at five o'clock, he lets go and heads home, and the rock rolls back where it was to start with".

Mr Sissyfoot was tall, with huge arm muscles bulging from a dirty white tee shirt. In contrast, his bare and battered feet were small and dainty.

"Poor Mr Sissyfoot," said Miss Prysby.

"I'd hardly call him poor, miss," noted the Judge. "He gets a fair wage for what he does".

"It's not that bad," admitted Mr Sissyfoot. "I did the same sort of thing for a living up topside, before I croaked. Only I didn't get paid as much for it, and the work was more tedious. This job's really simple. All I've got to do is roll the rock. No deadlines. No pressure. I spend most to the time just daydreaming. Look, there are plenty of guys up who'd love to have this job.

"Lord only knows why the judges want this done. But they pay me. And, like I say, it's pretty simple to do. Sure, I work up a sweat, but it's good exercise, and there are no chemicals around to poison you. It's a hell of a lot better than working back in the plant".

"Plant?" asked Gaynell. "Did you work in the mushroom?"

"No, but that sounds neat -- a real living plant. I'll have to check that out".

"Hey!" said Cindy. "There's a television over here, and there are soap operas on".

Everyone went running toward the television.

"Yes," explained Judge Minus, "Mrs Tantrum spends her whole day watching television".

"Are the shows that good?" asked Cindy, open-eyed.

"No," admitted Mrs Tantrum. "It's not the shows I like to watch -- it's the commercials. All those things they have to sell -- they're just so tempting, and I haven't a dime to pay for them. I just sit here thinking about what I'd do if I had the money".

Mrs Tantrum was a middle-aged lady with her hair in curlers. Her bright red bathrobe was in tatters.

"But that's awful," said Miss Prysby. "How could the judges be so cruel as to make you do this?"

"Make me? You've got to be kidding, dearie. My husband bought this set for me, my dear departed husband".

"Husband?"

"Yes. Oh! Watch your step there, children," warned Mrs Tantrum. "There's a big hole there, but it's hard to see. You've got to learn to be careful, kids. Don't fall into debt. Once you get in that hole, it's all but impossible to get out. That's my husband down there. He fell in getting me this color TV. Wasn't that sweet of him?" She threw him a kiss.

"That's terrible," said Miss Prysby, staring down into the darkness.

"Gosh, that's deeper than the pothole," said Donny.

"You think that's bad?" asked Mrs Tantrum. "You should have seen the hole we were in back home".

"But it seems such a waste," insisted Miss Prysby. "Why should you spend your life, I mean, your death like this? Why do this, when right over there are beautiful fields of flowers?"

"Excuse me, dearie. Please step aside," requested Mrs Tantrum. "My favorite commercial is coming on now -- the one with Mr Adam selling real estate".

"What state's that?" asked Mark. "Is it anywhere near Massachusetts?"

"No, he's selling condominiums at Eden Estates, just outside El Easy One City. I just love that pitch of his, 'It's the next best thing to paradise. Believe me, I've been there.' He's so cute wearing nothing but a fig leaf".

"Come along now, children," urged Miss Prysby. "I think you've seen enough".

So the kids went running into the fields.

"What's that music?" asked Linda Crotty.

"Just birds singing," said Miss Prysby.

"Those are no ordinary birds," said Judge Minus. "That's the 'Hymn to Joy' they're singing. These are the El Easy One Fields".

"Hey!" said Donny. "There's Achilles the Heel".

"You mean the naked guy with the spear?" asked Kathy. "The one walking hand-in-hand with the beautiful lady?"

"Yes, indeed," said the Judge, "that's Achilles Heel and Helen Troy".

"Oh, not again," moaned Miss Prysby.

"Yeah," said Mr Heel, "when will they stop that infernal music?"

"Oh, Achy, you're such a pain," said Miss Troy. "I think El Easy One is perfectly divine". She pushed back her long blond hair with a dramatic stroke. She looked like she was performing in a shampoo commercial.

"Well, it's somebody else's idea of paradise, not mine," complained Mr Heel. "How are things back up in the world?" he asked the newcomers.

"Wars and wars and more wars," answered Mr Newman, remembering what was said at the Library.

"Sounds wonderful," said Mr Heel. "Tell me all about it".